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EDUCATION: Graduated with honors from the School of Hard Knocks.
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THE FIRST TIME I HAD SEX:
We were in the locker room during gym class, when the teacher discovered my bottle of 151. It was bad enough that Ms. Jenkins interrupted a really good time, but it really pissed me off when she poured my rum down the drain.
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MY HOBBIES ARE:
I like kicking ass and taking names. Street fighting, collecting DUI’s Pouring hot candle wax on my nipples and collecting Indian Dream Catchers.
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BEST ADVICE :
If you are ever confronted by a cop, check yourself. Are you holding a knife? Have you taken a hostage? If so, mutter something about a death in the family and beg forgiveness.
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AMBITIONS:
To be thrown out of every sleazy bar in the United States and Russia.
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FAVORITE DRINK:
Rot gut tequila, no training wheels. Tequila reminds me of home.
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TURN-ONS:
Any man who can drink me under the table, or the bed, or the sofa, or the bar stool. I also like bikers, street fighters and men who won't let me kick their ass. Sex in the men's room of skid row bars.
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TURN-OFFS:
Being out of booze really sucks. Having to pay for my own drinks really sucks. Prissy women and cops suck.
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